“The drive to write new material helped fuel the direction of the next phase. Details JY, ‘When Tommy and I had a conversation on his back patio in California in 1998 while he and I were working on the next STYX record, he simply said to me, “‘I’m going to write new songs and then record them.’”” — Styxworld.com
Details JY,?!
Don’t bother guessing what it means. In a sane world it would read, “When Tommy and I had a conversation on his back patio in California in 1998 while he and I were working on the next STYX record,” JY said, “blah blah blah…”
This is from the STYX website. It’s a long story why I was there, but since I was there I read the bio to see what happened to former lead singer Dennis DeYoung. None of that matters.
What matters is that someone started a quote with “Details JY.”
Ejaculated Tony, “That’s the dumbest start to a sentence I’ve seen in a VERY long time, and I edit internet blogs!”
I’m working on a longer thing about how deeply Mark Twain’s opinions shaped my own, but every time I read an inferior “said” replacement I think of him. It’s a little embarrassing to recall, but he used “ejaculated” instead of “said” in a story I read when I was a kid, and I had to look up the meaning.
Even for an adult, there’s no shame in not knowing that “ejaculated” is a synonym for “said.” As a 9-year-old, though, I was only more deeply confused by the entry.
I’m from the “said” school of dialogue description. Almost everything else usually sounds hack to me. I know occasionally it’s unavoidable. Sometimes you have to say someone glowered or sniped. I could live without “says” but I understand that is more of an aesthetic choice rather than a moral failing. Same thing with “stated” (although I personally have a seething hatred for it because I feel like it’s what PIOs write after they fail at journalism).
I’ll admit that a lot of good, talented people believe “stated” has a place and a use. I’ll go further and say a skilled writer can pull off anything (although it has to be said Twain probably could have done better than “ejaculated”).
Still, it’s a really clunky replacement when the writing already is suspect.
Stated the Mayor, “I deny this scandal!”
Thought the reader, “This is why I watch TV. People sound normal there.”
“Expounded” “Screamed” “Whispered” I guess have places, but I always find them distracting, like, why not make the way something is said clear from the context?
And that’s important. I’m talking about the words following quotation marks. I don’t begrudge a person prose:
“Yes!” Steven screamed his answer.
But, “Yes!” Steven said is more elegant and efficient than “Yes!” Steven ejaculated.
It’s a point of contention between my wife and I. She teaches 8th grade and dutifully (and happily) teaches word variation, including not just using “boring old said” in dialogue.
Her take is that kids should learn this kind of word variation because it’s a great way to show them that there is such a thing as word variation.
It’s a valid point. Writing should be fun for kids. Thinking up cool new ways to say “said” (she doesn’t have them use “ejaculate” no matter how desperately I beg), is a solid introduction to creative writing. The point of the lesson is that there are better ways of describing things than the obvious if you take a minute to think about it. It’s a great way to learn not to be dull, and I respect and agree with that.
I also think it’s a crime that it is the last thing some people seem to learn about creative writing. Sometime during high school or college or just regular life people should learn to channel their creativity into other parts of the story.
They should notice that the number of non “saids” they read in any given book make up fewer than 1% of the words that follow closed quotation marks. Even in intentionally gaudy noir or romance novels.
In fact, I’d wager romance novels use “said” 10 to 1 over “groaned/moaned.” “Said” can be modified, “he said breathlessly.”
Anyway, I liked STYX a lot when I was a kid and I hope they’re doing well. If they are, though, they should get a copywriter who isn’t trying to make art with 8th-grade creative writing tools.
I know this can be a touchy subject, so I welcome criticism and disagreement in the comments.
Keep the Faith,
Tony
Postscript
You’re going to get another email from me tomorrow with a section of the next part of “Being Burley” in it. Subscriber
said last week’s snippet was too short to get a sense of it, so I’m sending out another 1,800 words or so before I put the rest behind the paywall. Here’s last week’s if you missed it. Here’s an explanation of the project (consider it the foreword) if you’re interested.Also, I’m going to be at 3rd Friday in Salisbury, if you’re local and want to come say hi. I’m the new president of LES, our local chapter of the Maryland Writers Association. I’m kind of excited to get back out in the world and looking forward to helping people who want to take writing more seriously do just that.
Notes upon notes
I’ve started journaling, inspired by Noted, by Jillian Hess which I’ve recommended here before. I keep two journals, one regular journal and one filled with spite. I write in each sporadically. This new plan for short, daily journaling is more like 18th-century stuff. It’s the date, work planned, work accomplished, and a personal observation about the day.
It’s crazy efficient. If you’ve been interested in journaling, but can’t keep it going, this might be a good entry point.
Planning a Death in Canada
The linked story isn’t easy to read without getting emotional, but I wanted to share it anyway. It’s not just well-written, but also well-conceived. The author follows a woman from right after her decision to have a medically assisted death until after she draws her last breath. It’s something.
I support medical assistance in death, though I can’t imagine choosing it for myself. I feel like having experiences is better than not having experiences, even if they’re awful. I like to think it’s a result of my deep and abiding atheism. This is the only party I’m ever going to, and I’m only going to leave it (possibly literally) kicking and screaming.
For Food People
If you haven’t seen the movie The Menu, I can recommend it (although it is so SO violent). It’s a great movie for people who love food and hate dining culture. There was a great story this week calling out the James A. Beard Foundation for making foodie culture even worse. Here’s the salient quote if you don’t get a chance to read the whole thing.
“To take only one category, “Best Chef: Southwest”, think of it this way: The states of Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and Oklahoma are home to some 25,000 restaurants. Best chef, how? They prepare your favorite pollo asada?” Brilliant stuff.
TR