Let Me Tell You About This Kooky Vision I Had
I’ve never really experienced writer’s block before, but when I sat down Sunday afternoon to put this week’s letter together I found myself stuck for pretty much the first time ever.
Often I can punch my way out of writing trouble pretty easily by tipping back in my chair and putting the backs of my hands in my eye sockets. I lock my right pointer finger into my left fist and sit quietly for a couple of minutes. I’ll get a picture or a phrase to grab onto and when I sit back up, I’m ready to start typing and everything flows. That’s not what happened last night.
Last night when I sat back and closed my eyes I got the image of a massive butt (it wasn’t a naked butt, it was wearing jeans). I was on a ladder, I could feel the weight of gravity and the frustration of being stuck beneath whomever this big dumb butt belonged to.
It wasn’t so much like a waking dream as it was like a vision. I tried to shake it away but no matter how hard I tried to clear my mind, the butt returned.
I decided I was done for the day and left off. I knew I would tell the butt story as a way of explaining why I couldn’t write.
The reason I don’t often have trouble writing (besides having a deadline) is that I have a list of prompts. Some writers carry around a notebook or recorder. I send myself emails with every idea, so I have a list to choose from whenever I sit down.
The ideas on this list begin fermenting in my subconscious once I’ve written them. If I’m stuck for a fresh idea or story I can turn to the list where usually there are several ideas ready to go.
But this week I already have two stories to tell. They’re new stories that are taking up headspace. I don’t think one is ready and I don’t think the other is appropriate. I’m telling you all this because I’m going to tell you the inappropriate one in an effort to get the owner of that huge butt moving again or at least out of my way.
I interviewed a guy last week who dissembled in his very first sentence. He was defensive throughout the engagement and peeved whenever I challenged his claims. He also couldn’t answer several of the salient questions I asked in response to his statements.
I’m being oblique, I know, but as I write this I don’t even know whether the story will run. I haven’t written it yet and don’t know how it will turn out. That’s why I thought it was inappropriate to tell now.
The thing I want to write about here was that he asked throughout the interview that I not write a biased story, even as he dodged some questions and pled ignorant on others.
On one hand, I get it. No, that’s not right. I don’t “get” it. I understand that he is part of a public system that thrives on undermining reporters. I’m just bothered by the cultural phenomenon that makes public officials so comfortable claiming bias even before a story is written.
What galls me all the more is that the story is probably going to look a lot like he wants it to, that I’m locked in to being evenhanded while he is free to be less than honest with the full intention of calling me a liar if he doesn’t like the story’s implications.
Usually, I get to talk to experts, or at least to interview people about their own lives which amounts to the same thing. When people are confident about what they know they’re less taciturn than someone who has less expertise. Almost everyone in public life has very little expertise. At best they have command of jargon.
I also think it has to do with the death of newspapers.
Television news is inexcusably bad at separating commentary from news and always has been. The internet isn’t much better. As a result, too many people feel like all news is an opinion they can agree or disagree with. Opinions they disagree with are biased and those they agree with are not. It would be pitiable if it wasn’t so insidious.
I guess what I want to say is that reporting on a story is an exercise of speaking to people who are more interested in not looking bad than in telling the truth. Sorting out people’s egos and agendas and coming away with information that readers may need is a skill.
What’s difficult is that I don’t think the person I interviewed was genuinely dissembling. People who are in charge rarely pay attention to what they’re saying because they’re never questioned. When they are, they tend to get defensive or claim their words were taken out of context.
The fact is, they’re offended at being questioned and disgusted by the notion that they should be held accountable to the people they purport to serve. When you hear an official use the words “bias” or “context” what they’re really saying is that they are mad.
They don’t like that not everyone works for them or is in some way beholden to them. They’re frustrated to be reminded that they are technically in a service position and offended that they don’t have fiat rule over public perception and opinion.
All that is to say I hope to hell next time I close my eyes that butt is gone. If it is, I’ll be writing about “research” this weekend.
Keep the faith,
Tony
Personal Update
This week’s podcast is was supposed to be on the Mandela Effect. It goes pretty nicely with the denial of reality I hinted at above. If you listen to the podcast you’ll notice my voice is a little way off. I have a cold and tried recording the first bit and it really isn’t very pleasant. I thought I might sound more Kathleen Turner but ended up with a Beetlejuice thing going on.
I’ve opened a Discord channel for the podcast (listen to the trailer here if you missed it) and newsletter. Like everything else, it’s “By Tony Russo” if you want to find me, but you can join the channel by clicking the link here.
If you’re not familiar, Discord lets you send voice messages as well as text chat in a group setting.
I was on a podcast this week promoting Dragged Into the Light: Truthers, Reptilians, Super Soldiers, and Death Inside an Online Cult. It went off the rails a little early because I was sick and also wouldn’t shut up. I talked a lot less about the book than I did the implications of the book, which is a topic people seem to like to hear about.
Tweet of the Week
In other news, if I get my voice back, I’ll make a Tik-Tok this week. I’m ByTonyRusso there as well.